How To Survive: A Monster Movie

Here are we yet again with another informative editorial that was written with you the reader in mind. If you are anything like me, this running segment “How to Survive” has become an essential element in dealing with the terrifying and unrelenting coldness of the world around us. This site has already helped you Survive a Haunted House and survive a Zombie Outbreak so it’s about time we’ve moved on to the next logical piece of the survival puzzle and explaining to you what steps you should take in order to survive in the likely and inevitable event that you find yourself in a Monster Movie.
Stay out of Buildings:  This one should be painfully obvious to anyone, but when you see a large monster summarily destroying your city, it should bepretty obvious that with their size and clout, they are running into shit
quite a bit.  This means anything that could be clipped by their tail, talons, what-have-you is collateral damage and will be taken out because of destruction tendencies or out of straight up bad luck.  Thusly, you should do whatever it takes to get out of any tall structure as soon as possible to avoid getting blown up, knocked out, or crushed in the ensuing debris.
Don’t Touch Anything:  At the moment of attack, the last thing on your mind is where the monster came from, probably because the first thing on your mind is HOLYCRAPCRAPCRAPCRAPCRAPCRAP and there isn’t much time right now to go thinking about origin stories.  Either way, you need to remember not to touch anything that the monster brought with them as a safety precaution.  The reason for this is that you have no effing idea where that thing came from.  Maybe it came from space and its poop is radioactive.  Is it the likely scenario?  Well, probably not, but why take the chance anyway? Also if anything was to fall out or off of the monster, it’s just generally a good idea to leave that stuff alone just in case.  If the things that fall off of the monster start moving on their own, then RUN LIKE HELL.